Cité Internationale des Arts, Paris, January 4, 1982

I have arrived in Paris. I cry, feel sick and alone. I want to go back to my mother: I believed, I was her support - now I realize: it’s her support, that I miss. Only now I know what I have about her and my heart almost breaks at the thought of how I treated her. I miss her and I'm home-sick. A feeling, I believed no longer existed! I cannot eat anything; I just throw me on the narrow bed every now and then and cry for the absence of my beloved mother. A feeling that only now is coming to light.

(from my diary).