Cité Internationale des Arts, Paris, January 4, 1982
I have arrived in Paris. I cry, feel sick and alone. I want to go back to my mother: I believed, I was her support - now I realize: it’s her support, that I miss. Only now I know what I have about her and my heart almost breaks at the thought of how I treated her. I miss her and I'm home-sick. A feeling, I believed no longer existed! I cannot eat anything; I just throw me on the narrow bed every now and then and cry for the absence of my beloved mother. A feeling that only now is coming to light.
(from my diary).
All self-portraits have all been made with the self-timer of my SLR photo camera. This was a special challenge because between the pushing of the trigger and the release of the shutter there were only eight seconds left to slip into the role of the model and taking a pose, which means that there was always also some random moment.
Back in times without autofocus, the sharpness of the images (i.e., to find myself on the focal plane) was more or less a matter of luck. Even an immediate inspection was not possible and the success could only be judged hours later after the (manual) development of the films.